i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
