I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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