dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
