i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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