the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
