it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pants are for mortals
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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