woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
