Got a toothbrush?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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