Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
