So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
