im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
