Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a hot homeless man
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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