He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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