Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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