A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Still dying that you shit outside
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
