that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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