Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
