I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
