I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
