Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Less talking, more tequila
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
