Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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