i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
