My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
