sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
