I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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