Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
