my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
