HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
