omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
