ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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