The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
