WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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