sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
