just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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