Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
