me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
