why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
