i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
