The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
