Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
