Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
