i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
