I think my fart just growled at me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
