you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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