I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
