Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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