I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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