Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
