u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
