Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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