First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
