dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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