the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
