last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
