The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
