no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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