I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
