girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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