Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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