Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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