I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
