I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
